Let’s take a trip back in time

I used to be really embarrassed about my blogging. But when I started this new blog, I decided to come out of it and share it with my family and friends.

In the past I actually hid my blogging. Which may sound ridiculous, as it is being published for anyone to read, but what I mean is I was hiding it from people who knew me, because I didn’t want to let so much of me out in public, so that people could join the dots and read too much about my life and draw conclusions about me I didn’t want them to.

But the truth is, that writing has always been outlet for me. Some of the first blog posts I wrote, on a blog long lost, would probably win first prize in the most god-awful blog writing ever. My grammar, spelling and general style is always babbling, but it was even worse then.

But this time is different, and I decided to share this with my family and friends. Just a simple email saying this is what I’ve done so far, this is me, if you’d like to read it then I’m happy for you to do so. I’ve nothing to hide anymore and I’m going to share my thoughts on the well, and if I can’t allow the people close to me to read them, and I’m not really sure what the point of it all is.

So there really is no point in my blogging, other than it’s a bit of a way of letting off steam. But, it’s also something that always been in me.

I think the catalyst for wanting to get back into blogging was getting a decent computer. Getting a fantastic 21 inch iMac really made me want to spend time on it writing and producing something wonderful. I’m not sure I’ve done that, and with the iMac screen repair still an issue, it’s a little bit tainted right now in my mind.

But generally, blogging is an outlet for me and I’m happy to share it with my family and friends now. I’m not sure if this is something I should be proud of, or something I should be running away from.

Day in the life of a screaming maniac

You simply would not believe in this day and age that something so mainstream and simple will be so difficult to get hold of.

You would think from that sentence that I’m talking about getting hold of weapons grade plutonium, or rocket fuel.

What I’m actually talking about is my smashed iMac screen. I’m looking to get the relevant iMac glass replacement screen I talked about earlier, and it’s proving a nightmare. Well, when I say nightmare, it’s mildly inconvenient, but for the purpose of this blog, let’s make it life trashingly awful.

You wouldn’t believe how difficult it is to get this thing locally, and to get it delivered is going to cost a fortune. I’ve not really sure what to do about it and I’m actually wondering if I should just leave it. But when you spend so much money on an iMac, having a cracking the screen is ridiculous. It’s like having a Ferrari with a scratch on the bonnet.

And it’s the same with so many things in life, everything seems great at the start, but as soon as something goes wrong, lots of other things have to happen in the correct order for things get better.

On top of that, I’m stuck here doing lots of work and I’ve run out of basically everything in the apartment. This means I’m living on biscuits and water. I don’t even have any milk or bread. It’s a ridiculous situation and the shops are only a 10 minute walk away, but I have so much to do and I really don’t even fancy walking outside because I can’t be bothered to have a shower and get dressed.

On top of that, I meant to be going on a date night, and I really can’t be bothered. Yes it could be wonderful, yes it could change my life, yes it could make me. But the cynic in me is saying that it will be a meaningless single date when nothing will happen I would be bored to tears and I will go home alone again.

Yes that sounds awful, but unfortunately it’s the life that many of us lead today. Single living, basket to table, no savings, no particular hopes other than to get through the next month without running out of money. It really is tragic, but it appears to be the way that people at the top seem to want things. I’m guessing it’s because it makes is easy to deal with.

Does blogging help anyone really?

So I had another blog for a couple of years. I can’t even remember where it was and when I changed to my new iMac last year I didn’t even back half the stuff I had and I lost it forever. But it is out there somewhere and I’m sure somebody is reading it and laughing at how ridiculous some of the things I said are.

Blogging has always been away to reflect upon my personal life, how I keep fit, to set goals, to keep me lean and fit and keen, to hold me to account, to allow me to vent and express my opinion to the world.

But the truth is, that really and honestly we are screaming into a void. I mean, how many people actually going to read this piece? One, 20, 100? It doesn’t really matter. The truth is that the audience is so small that if you are setting out to do anything other than talk into the abyss then you are wasting your time and would be better off doing something that will make you money.

At one point I decided I wanted to be a full-time blogger. My grammar and spelling are not great, but I thought what the hell, a lot of bloggers can’t write for toffee. Thankfully, Texas was a brief chapter in my life and afterwards I moved to New Jersey, and I moved into doing a job that I love. But I still spend time working from home and I do enjoy the technology, especially my iMac, even with a broken screen. So blogging has come back into my life.

At the end of the day, I don’t believe that blogging really helps anybody, it’s just a way for us to feel like we are changing ourselves and the world, well it might be a way of getting things out there and for chest, but the truth is what good is it really do. I’m not sure really does any good at all, and I’m pretty sure that if we added up all the hours people are spent meaningfully blogging, we would have enough hours to change the world for the better.

But people are people and they prefer to do silly things like I’m doing right now, which is typing into the abyss.

Is change always inevitable?

Well the truth is, yes it is. So is growing up, and setting priorities, and dying. But other than dying, we have never been told how to achieve the others. At some point we just assume that we are grown up or mature enough for something.

A lot has changed, but for better or worse? Well, that’s a matter of perspective. I dislike change and I always seek to avoid it. Even getting my iMac glass replacement for the screen I broke has been change, it’s changed how I work, is changed how I have to deal with my day. You would never think the something as simple as that could change so much.

Change is a matter of perspective. For better or worse is entirely up to us.

When I was younger, I always read the newspapers and followed the news. I still do today. It’s amazing how the publisher’s priorities have changed. About 10 years back, we’d get a lot of news on the first page, everything important and having a direct impact on our lives. But well, change is inevitable and priorities change.

So now you see a big advertisement covering the entire front page, or at least half a page. A terrorist attack in Pakistan will be on the 11th page somewhere in the corner. Deaths in Syria will be reported in a little snippet smaller than the comics section. The migrant crisis will be covered in full as it affects Europe. A rape or molestation case is covered on the third or fourth page. By now you’re wondering what is on the front page.

Well, there will be some news on the financial markets, takeovers, mergers and acquisitions. And then for some reason, news on which celebrity is marrying whom and who is having whose baby or two well known people engaging in a meaningless twitter battle. Then there will be the one advertisement promoting fairness cream or a watch or a perfume which you either already have or will never buy. If you’re lucky, some cricketer will pose for a hair growth advertisement promising to cure baldness.

Influential speakers say we, the young generation, are the future. I disagree, we are no longer the future.

The future is here. We are the present. And what’s past, is prologue.

How can my iMac be a hobby?

So what are your hobbies? Actually get asked this question a lot. But the odd thing is it’s not just other people you asked me that, I actually asked myself what my hobbies are quite often. Yes, apparently sometimes I have to ask myself question such as this just to figure out who I actually am.

During high school and college I had loads of hobbies, I was a swimmer and I also loved reading, football and, lots of other things. But I think I started to realize that hobbies like that were not going to make me any money. I think this is an obvious realization most people don’t give it a thought, they do hobbies because they like them and not because they’re going to make the money.

But I am different, and I want my hobbies to make you money.

After college, the only thing that seemed to matter to me was actually making lots of money. I really wanted my parents be proud of me and so I tried to show them that they had wasted all that time and money on the going getting a college education for nothing, so I stopped doing all the hobbies of the else did and that I previously enjoyed and I started making money instead.

I suppose my hobby is being on my iMac. And the tragedy is that today I managed to topple it over and smash it. I frantically been searching for a iMac 27 screen replacement service (lm270wql sd f1 in case you care) and I happened upon this great Apple repair shop.

And as my hobby is my job, it’s really starting to stress me out. I’ve started to feel lost and broken, disconnected and lonely, all from having a broken Mac screen.

And that’s what is wrong with my life. It’s trying to find balance. But when I moved all of my hobbies away from being genuine hobbies and made them into things that I make money with, then it really has lost balance in my life for me. I wonder how any other people out there think they have hobbies, but what they really have is things that support earning money and not really relaxing them and being nice at all.

Home is a funny old thing when you think about it

Just like most people, I’m sure that you find certain aspects of your home comforting, while you find other aspects of the home just really don’t make you feel comfortable. It’s really strange and I never figured it out.

Now I’ve moved six hours away from my family, just two months ago, going back home has made me realize some of those things even more acutely.

I mean some of these things were always apparent to me, I spent all my early years, and my college life living in an apartment on my own away from home. So I’m used to it. But I often ended up going home every other weekend or so, this makes it normal to me.

But anyway, now when I come “home” it feels just plain weird. The first few times it felt nice to be home that I had a sense of missing being there, now the second and subsequent times coming home I’m eager to really get back to work and back to where I now feel I belong.

I think one of the things which is annoying me about being in the family home is that my dad is a cheap man and he would only play for the slowest Internet option. As I work on the computer, on my beloved iMac, it has made me super unproductive for a week. And because I’m in my parents home after leaving, I feel like I’m not in my own life anymore.

So it’s really weird that I am home, but I don’t feel at home. I’m in the place where I spent more of my life than anywhere else, but it just doesn’t feel like home any more. It feels like my parents house and it feels like I am living by their rules and not my own. I suppose that’s what growing up, moving away and earn your money does for you.

I’ve also had horrible insomnia lately, especially since being at my parents house for the week. So I have actually been writing this in the early hours the morning, and as you can probably read is a bit more of a rant than anything constructive. Thankfully I will be going home soon. And when I mean home, I mean my real home, and if you think that’s confusing, you haven’t seen anything yet.